Homesickness.

I've really been fighting with myself over whether or not I should post about this, but I feel like I need to just post it. 

Being away from my family, truly away, must be one of the most difficult things that I will do in my life.

As an American, I've grown up with a strong sense of independence.

Without even realizing it, I've put emphasis on being an individual my entire life. 

I know I'm not alone in thinking that I can do things by myself and I don't need to depend on others to accomplish my goals. 

It's American culture. 

Living here, I've realized that the sense of independence I had was really a farce. Sure, I would've been out of the house if I would've gotten a job in America, but I could've still visited my parents any time I wanted. The dependence on family would still have been there. 

Now, I find myself doing things in Taiwan and wishing that I could have my family with me so I could show them every single thing that I love about this country. 

I don't think I truly appreciated my family until I was physically apart from them. 

I've realized that no amount of friends can replace my family. 

No friend, no matter how close, can give advice like my mom or help me with financial stuff like my dad. No one can tease me like my brothers or be as loving as my grandparents. (I could go on and on with all of my other family members.)

I know what homesickness is now. 

It's not a wish for that certain kind of pizza (Picadilly's pepperoni and pineapple) or a specific smell (dad mowing the lawn in the springtime). It's not missing being able to do things I could do at home (driving) or places I could go (Walmart...weird, I know). 

It's a complete realization of how important my family is in my life. It's understanding that my family is still living that life I'd been living my whole life up to moving away- and truly missing it. 

That is what homesickness is. 

This post doesn't mean that I'm regretting what I've done. As I've posted before, I wasn't happy living in Wisconsin. It didn't feel right. 

This post doesn't mean that I am a depressed heap of person over here.

It means that I've finally realized how much my family means to me.

I'm jealous of people who could realize that without going halfway across the world. 

So, if you're anywhere near your family, give them a BIG hug and kiss because every day I wish that I could.

Where Does Time Go?

Wow, I know it's incredibly cliche to say this, but I feel like it was just yesterday that I was sitting in the MSP Airport worrying about if I would ever make it to Taiwan, and now, here I am sitting in Xindian. Wow. 

Frankly, I was incredibly anxious whenever I thought about going to Taiwan. 
I would think,
"People from Northwest Wisconsin do NOT travel."
"Single 23 year old girls do NOT travel alone."
"I am crazy for doing this."
But then I would think about how wrong I felt in Wisconsin. Now, don't get me wrong, I love Wisconsin, but I just felt wrong. I knew I could have found a good teaching job in the area, but every time I thought about living in America for another year, I got the heebie-jeebies (it's a medical condition. Google it.). 

So, in my stubborn Hanson-Greiser way, I decided I was going to do this no matter what. No matter how many people asked, "WHERE are you going? That's a country?! Where is it?" No matter how many people said, "Wow, you're brave..." with a bewildered face. 

I got that a lot. The, "Wow, you're brave." 
Looking back, I guess I was/am, but I don't really see it in that way. 
As a child, my (wonderful, fantastic, swell) parents would always say, "You can do whatever you want to do. You can accomplish anything you set your mind to." 
I wanted to travel and teach English, so I set my mind to it and accomplished it. 
You can too.
f'real. 
I promise. 
Just decide what you want to do and figure out how you can do it. 

Aaaanyway, I hadn't intended to get all motivational and shtuff, so let's get back to business, eh?

I've been in the Taiwan for almost three months now. 
Holy crap. I honestly can't believe it. 
The first two months were SO difficult. I'm not just talkin' weird food, different language difficult, I'm talkin' lonely.
SO. FLIPPING. LONELY.
If you don't know me (...then why are you reading this? bahaha just kidding, I'm sure someday I'll be super famous...bahahaha), I'm a person who likes to be with people. 
More-so, I like to experience life with people. 
I like to go out on adventures, try crazy things, be brave, climb mountains and all that jazz. 
I've never not had a multitude of friends or family to drag out to adventure. 
Until I got here. 
Don't get me wrong, I had Frieda, and I thank God daily for the blessing that she is in my life. She's amazing.
But she has her own life, and I needed to find my own life too.
I just didn't know how. 
Work was kind of unexpectedly solitary because our school was on break when I came, so I only had to do inservice, which was basically sitting, alone, in a library, three days a week. Not much interaction there. 
Then I had Chinese New Year break, and I got to go to Frieda's house. 
I had a LOT of fun there, but it made me a bit homesick at the same time because Frieda's family is seriously an Asian carbon-copy of my family. 
Seriously. Three kids- older brother, Frieda, younger brother. 

After I got back to Taipei, I was feeling a little annoyed with myself.
I wanted to have people. 
More than just one. 
So, I prayed REAL hard. 
Now, I'm sure some of you just said, "Aaaand here she goes on her Jesus tangent." but sometimes the Big Guy is just so impressively visible in my life that I have to share. 
Within the week, I found a new church that made me feel welcomed, was introduced to an educational opportunity to do some research about linguistics with a professor here (I want to do graduate studies in Linguistics someday, so this is right up my alley), and realized that I have a...LIFE! 
I have PEOPLE! 
I have weekend plans!
I don't just sit at home!
If it wasn't Lent, I would write a certain word that starts with an "h" or "a" depending on it's spelling :) haha

So, here I am. 
Comfortable.
Finally. 
God is so great. 

I really, truly love my job. 
I couldn't go this week because I was sick, and I was SO sad. 
I'm addicted to mountains.
and 5th graders learning English :D 
and campfires.
and hiking.

so fantastic. 

In another few months, my world will be rocked again. My college friends, Dayna and Ashley, will be flying over here to live and work!
I'm excited that they're following their dreams. 
I can't imagine what life will be like when us three 美國人 are reunited :) 

I plan to blog more now that my life is more settled. 
I hope when you read these blogs you think about what your dream is, and you go for it.
We only live once :)
Let's take advantage of the life our God gives us, eh?! 

With 愛 from 台灣,
Lauren. (or  滷蛋 or 明霞 or 企鵝... I really need to figure out one Chinese name...)