A Passion

When I was in college, I lived in a house with two or three other women. Unlike the "normal" off-campus living experience, my living accommodations were not a decrepit and sagging old house that four or five friends would rent together for the year knowing the murky landlord would never again let them see their deposit money. 

Instead, I was fortunate enough to live in a quaint rectory-turned-rental run by the Catholic campus ministry with two or three women who were also involved- in some way- with the ministry. 

Surprisingly, this did not mean that all of the women who lived there were Catholic. Actually, my roommates had a broad range of beliefs. We were also a mix of majors and ages, which inevitably led to random quotes from Virginia Woolf on the message board, serious discussions about rock collections not being allowed in the bathroom, children's books frequently being analyzed, and perhaps... slightly... dramatic mental breakdowns leading to simple English phrases being repeated endlessly while searching for the correct phonological intonation. (WHAT do you like? What DO you like? What do YOU like? ...but that definitely wasn't me...) 

Although we all came from different faiths, ages, and majors, there was something that the "Blue House Girls" could always agree on.

Food.
(I mean, obviously.)

Every couple of weeks, we would sit down to a delectable feast cobbled together with whatever we had in our collective cupboards, fridge, and freezer, and before commencement of feasting, we had one simple regimen. 

We wouldn't pray (together.)
We wouldn't dig in (well...sometimes I would...Hey, I was a hungry college kid, give me a break.)

We would 

say what made us happy.

It may seem silly that I would waste several minutes of your time to tell you that we would discuss such a simple thing, but that is what we did. 

We would go around the table and say what made us happy that day, week, or month. 
It may have been a good grade on an exam, an event that went well, or a good walk, but it was always something good. 

Always.

Every once in a while, I recall those meals- a rosy glow surrounding warm and fuzzy memories- and I realize that, although we were young, we knew what was important. (Yes, I know that I am still young. Don't judge, yo)

I was reminded of those dinners today. My friend and I were sitting down to an early dinner at a Japanese-style fast-food restaurant when she asked me, "So, what's one good thing that happened to you this week?" 

I couldn't answer.

My mind went completely and utterly blank. 

What had I done in the past week?

My mind immediately went to the unpleasant events of the week. 
Waking up with a pain in my neck and an endlessly runny nose; going to the doctor only to have him prescribe a ridiculous amount of medicines while not telling me what the actual problem was; having a bit -okay, more than a bit- too much to drink on Friday night resulting in a two-day hangover (see, I really AM getting old). 

I could not surmise one good thing that had happened this week.

I had finally been forced to acknowledge what has been breathing down my neck for quite some time.

I pay no attention to the good things happening in my life.
I am not living my life.

I just     float.

You see, I have this problem. 
I am a mix of 50% anxious and 50% lazy.

When I am around other people, I constantly agonize over minute details of both the verbal and non-verbal communication that I partake in while attempting to present myself in the best light. 

In the simplest of statements, I, like presumably everyone else on the face of this planet, desire to be liked. However, I seem to have an insatiable dread that I am never completely liked.

Instead of learning to cope with this anxiety, I have- perhaps subconsciously- chosen to manage my insecurities in the easiest- and laziest- way possible (I am a "Millennial" after all.). 

I watch a lot of TV. 
I mean a LOT. 

As I watch an episode, or five, my brain completely shuts down. I don't think about potential plot twists; I don't analyze character interactions.

I just watch. 
and watch. 
and watch.

Now, in my defense, I have always known that this behavior is neither healthy nor beneficial to my development as an upstanding member of the human race, 
but it is so garsh-darned easy.

Perhaps, after reading this far, you may be thinking that I have some fantastically moving words of wisdom coming.

I don't. 
...Sorry?

However, I am reminded of a passage I read in a book that I have been inching my way through for the past... two years (hey, I've been busy...watching dramas) by Matthew Kelly:

The will of God in the broadest sense is that you become the-best-version-of-yourself, that version of you that most perfectly allows God to come into the world through you. God doesn't want to control you, or manipulate you, or stifle you, or force you to do things you don't want to do. If that were God's desire, then he would not have given you free will. God wants you to become all you can be, and in the process he wants you to experience the greatest mystery of them all: love.

Kelly goes on to write something that is prrrrrobably exactly what I need to hear at the moment:

The will of God is not as mysterious as many make it out to be. You come home from work and you have a choice: You can sit on the couch in front of the TV with a large bag of potato chips and some beer [I'm usually eating 鹹水雞 and drinking 奶茶...but still], or you can go for a run. Which will help you become the-best-version-of-yourself? Every situation can be approached with this question.

To answer your question, no, I will most likely not start a running regimen; however, I have ascertained the solution to my current state.

I need to be the-best-version-of-myself.
I need to uncover and rekindle my passion. 

When I find that passion, I will no longer be floating. I will be able to see all of the good things that God places in my life every day.

So, there you have it. 
Lauren Stephanie Francis Hanson is on a mission. 
A mission to find her passion. 
Watch out, World!  

p.s. Isn't it too bad that "mission" and "passion" don't rhyme? The ending would have been much more catchy if they did...
p.p.s. The book by Matthew Kelly is called Rediscovering Catholicism if you are interested in checkin' it out.

Homesickness.

I've really been fighting with myself over whether or not I should post about this, but I feel like I need to just post it. 

Being away from my family, truly away, must be one of the most difficult things that I will do in my life.

As an American, I've grown up with a strong sense of independence.

Without even realizing it, I've put emphasis on being an individual my entire life. 

I know I'm not alone in thinking that I can do things by myself and I don't need to depend on others to accomplish my goals. 

It's American culture. 

Living here, I've realized that the sense of independence I had was really a farce. Sure, I would've been out of the house if I would've gotten a job in America, but I could've still visited my parents any time I wanted. The dependence on family would still have been there. 

Now, I find myself doing things in Taiwan and wishing that I could have my family with me so I could show them every single thing that I love about this country. 

I don't think I truly appreciated my family until I was physically apart from them. 

I've realized that no amount of friends can replace my family. 

No friend, no matter how close, can give advice like my mom or help me with financial stuff like my dad. No one can tease me like my brothers or be as loving as my grandparents. (I could go on and on with all of my other family members.)

I know what homesickness is now. 

It's not a wish for that certain kind of pizza (Picadilly's pepperoni and pineapple) or a specific smell (dad mowing the lawn in the springtime). It's not missing being able to do things I could do at home (driving) or places I could go (Walmart...weird, I know). 

It's a complete realization of how important my family is in my life. It's understanding that my family is still living that life I'd been living my whole life up to moving away- and truly missing it. 

That is what homesickness is. 

This post doesn't mean that I'm regretting what I've done. As I've posted before, I wasn't happy living in Wisconsin. It didn't feel right. 

This post doesn't mean that I am a depressed heap of person over here.

It means that I've finally realized how much my family means to me.

I'm jealous of people who could realize that without going halfway across the world. 

So, if you're anywhere near your family, give them a BIG hug and kiss because every day I wish that I could.

Where Does Time Go?

Wow, I know it's incredibly cliche to say this, but I feel like it was just yesterday that I was sitting in the MSP Airport worrying about if I would ever make it to Taiwan, and now, here I am sitting in Xindian. Wow. 

Frankly, I was incredibly anxious whenever I thought about going to Taiwan. 
I would think,
"People from Northwest Wisconsin do NOT travel."
"Single 23 year old girls do NOT travel alone."
"I am crazy for doing this."
But then I would think about how wrong I felt in Wisconsin. Now, don't get me wrong, I love Wisconsin, but I just felt wrong. I knew I could have found a good teaching job in the area, but every time I thought about living in America for another year, I got the heebie-jeebies (it's a medical condition. Google it.). 

So, in my stubborn Hanson-Greiser way, I decided I was going to do this no matter what. No matter how many people asked, "WHERE are you going? That's a country?! Where is it?" No matter how many people said, "Wow, you're brave..." with a bewildered face. 

I got that a lot. The, "Wow, you're brave." 
Looking back, I guess I was/am, but I don't really see it in that way. 
As a child, my (wonderful, fantastic, swell) parents would always say, "You can do whatever you want to do. You can accomplish anything you set your mind to." 
I wanted to travel and teach English, so I set my mind to it and accomplished it. 
You can too.
f'real. 
I promise. 
Just decide what you want to do and figure out how you can do it. 

Aaaanyway, I hadn't intended to get all motivational and shtuff, so let's get back to business, eh?

I've been in the Taiwan for almost three months now. 
Holy crap. I honestly can't believe it. 
The first two months were SO difficult. I'm not just talkin' weird food, different language difficult, I'm talkin' lonely.
SO. FLIPPING. LONELY.
If you don't know me (...then why are you reading this? bahaha just kidding, I'm sure someday I'll be super famous...bahahaha), I'm a person who likes to be with people. 
More-so, I like to experience life with people. 
I like to go out on adventures, try crazy things, be brave, climb mountains and all that jazz. 
I've never not had a multitude of friends or family to drag out to adventure. 
Until I got here. 
Don't get me wrong, I had Frieda, and I thank God daily for the blessing that she is in my life. She's amazing.
But she has her own life, and I needed to find my own life too.
I just didn't know how. 
Work was kind of unexpectedly solitary because our school was on break when I came, so I only had to do inservice, which was basically sitting, alone, in a library, three days a week. Not much interaction there. 
Then I had Chinese New Year break, and I got to go to Frieda's house. 
I had a LOT of fun there, but it made me a bit homesick at the same time because Frieda's family is seriously an Asian carbon-copy of my family. 
Seriously. Three kids- older brother, Frieda, younger brother. 

After I got back to Taipei, I was feeling a little annoyed with myself.
I wanted to have people. 
More than just one. 
So, I prayed REAL hard. 
Now, I'm sure some of you just said, "Aaaand here she goes on her Jesus tangent." but sometimes the Big Guy is just so impressively visible in my life that I have to share. 
Within the week, I found a new church that made me feel welcomed, was introduced to an educational opportunity to do some research about linguistics with a professor here (I want to do graduate studies in Linguistics someday, so this is right up my alley), and realized that I have a...LIFE! 
I have PEOPLE! 
I have weekend plans!
I don't just sit at home!
If it wasn't Lent, I would write a certain word that starts with an "h" or "a" depending on it's spelling :) haha

So, here I am. 
Comfortable.
Finally. 
God is so great. 

I really, truly love my job. 
I couldn't go this week because I was sick, and I was SO sad. 
I'm addicted to mountains.
and 5th graders learning English :D 
and campfires.
and hiking.

so fantastic. 

In another few months, my world will be rocked again. My college friends, Dayna and Ashley, will be flying over here to live and work!
I'm excited that they're following their dreams. 
I can't imagine what life will be like when us three 美國人 are reunited :) 

I plan to blog more now that my life is more settled. 
I hope when you read these blogs you think about what your dream is, and you go for it.
We only live once :)
Let's take advantage of the life our God gives us, eh?! 

With 愛 from 台灣,
Lauren. (or  滷蛋 or 明霞 or 企鵝... I really need to figure out one Chinese name...)

On the Way!

The past few days have been a crazy blur.
Christmas came and went, and I suddenly realized that I would be going to Taiwan in less than five days.
A couple of weeks ago, I went through all of my clothes and thought I did a good job of sorting them into piles of keep, pack, and donate, but when it finally came time to pack I realized that I have a TON of clothes.
It's ridiculous, really.
I truly believe that I have enough clothes to clothe a small nation.
Luckily, I had my best friend, Dayna, to help me sort and resort and pack and repack. I don't know what I would've done without her.
Dayna and I went to Taiwan together last year, so she had an idea of what I am getting myself into weather-wise. I could not have packed without her, of that I am certain.
(If my verb tenses in this blog seem weird, I apologize. I'm writing this in the Minneapolis airport terminal while waiting for my flight to Chicago.)
When I found out that I would be flying out of Minneapolis at 7:40am, my parents and I decided that we should rent a hotel room so we wouldn't have to drive in the middle of the night.
It was really nice being able to stay at the hotel because we could order Papa John's (that's right, that was my last "American" meal) and Jill (my good friend from college) came to hang out and catch up.
We got some free drink tickets from the front desk because I "have balls!" for going to live overseas (haha!) and enjoyed them while playing bingo (because apparently that's the thing to do at the Eagan Green Mill)
I stayed up all night so that I'm more on the Taiwan time zone (they are 14 hours ahead of Wisconsin) and we left for the airport at 4am...And now, here I sit, waiting for my flight to Chicago. I'm proud of myself for two things so far:
1. Both of my checked bags were exactly 50lbs (the weight limit is 50lbs!)
2. I made it through security without my bags or me being stopped! Hopefully, I'll make it through Tokyo too! :)

I've been remembering this passage as I go through this adventure:
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."  -Joshua 1:9

To Taiwan!
-Lauren.

In the Beginning...

I don't even know how to begin this post. 
Honestly, I've been waiting and waiting to be able to finally post some good news, and when it's finally come, I'm completely at a loss. 
I suppose I'll just start at the beginning...
I was born on a warm May day in 19... Wait, I suppose that's too far back...
:)
As long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a teacher. I know that's a cliche thing to say, but it's true. 
Except for a short period of time in fourth grade when I wanted to be a zoo nutritionist (why? I don't know. I liked the idea of feeding tigers and penguins, I guess.)...
I never knew what kind of teacher I wanted to be... I just knew that I was going to be a teacher. 
(I've always been a "big picture" kind of person)
After discovering my love for grammar, I decided that being an English teacher fit. I stayed in that mindset until I took a Spanish class in high school. 
I realized that the act of learning a new language is something so complex and interesting that I could never get bored with it. So, I set out to find a job that combined teaching and new languages. 
I found ESL (English as a Second Language) education, and I've never looked back. 
It suffices to say that I am a nerd. 
I absolutely LOVED college. The whole idea of getting to go to school every day and choosing classes that I was actually interested in was even better than penguins (and I love penguins). 
At college, I met people who challenged my thinking and made me strive to understand and investigate. I also worked at a tutoring center for ESL students where I learned about many different cultures and languages.
It was at the ESL Center that I encountered Taiwanese people for the first time. 
If you're like how I was, you know "Made in Taiwan" and that's, embarrassingly, it. 
Here's a quick guide to Taiwan...
-Taiwan's a small island country east of China and southish of Japan and South Korea (you picturing it now?).

-It's not just factories. In fact, most of Taiwan is GORGEOUS mountains and bustling cities!

Ain't no factories in dem mountains!

Night Market!

-Taiwanese people speak Chinese. Some also speak Taiwanese. From what I understand, you could liken this situation to Native Americans. Almost all Native Americans speak English, and some also speak their native language. Some may only speak their native language. Make sense?
-Taiwanese children go to rigorous schooling. And I mean rigorous. Many children go to after-school schools (called buxibans "boo-she-bahns") when they are done with regular schooling for the day. 
-Taiwan's government is a democracy and they have a president (and I've read that he was baptized Catholic! Woot!).
(Here's a really good website that explains better than I can:http://www.taiwanese-secrets.com/facts-about-taiwan.html)
That's really all I can think of for a glimpse at Taiwan. 
Oh, I forgot to mention that Taiwanese people are amazing. 
(Yes, I know that's a generalization. No, I don't care.) 
Seriously. 
I have met very few (like maaaybe one) Taiwanese people whom I didn't like or I found to be rude.  They're a fabulous bunch.
I became more interested in Taiwan when I learned about my university's study abroad opportunity there. This blog was started when I went on that study abroad trip. 
After I returned from Taiwan, I was in love. 
I couldn't think of anything but Taiwan (and finishing my teaching licensure...). 
Before going on the trip, I had been learning more about Peace Corps and various Catholic missions because I thought that'd be a pretty neat way to spend my early adulthood.
I decided that I would apply to them and see where the good Lord led me...
Well, that path ended with me sitting on the couch in my house at college screaming at my computer because it kept deleting my applications. 
After several deep cleansing breaths, my roommate, Margo, gave me some wise words of advice... "MAAAAAAAAYBE, this isn't what God wants you to be doing... JUS' SAYIN'... it's obviously not working, but you're too stubborn to quit trying." 
Oh that Margo, always the voice of reason. :)
So, I decided to stop going down that road and look into voyaging out on a solo journey.
A journey that would, hopefully, by God's will, end in Taiwan...
(ooo suspense...)

True Love

I've always wondered what true love is. 

It just never made sense to me. 

Love has always seemed to me to be an unnecessary dependency to someone else. And, since I am and have always been an independent kind of person (I blame America), I've never really understood why a person would want to give up a part of him or herself in order to win what seems to be something very unsure. 

Frankly, I always thought that completely giving in to love is stupid.

The only times I have really been able to understand the meaning of love is through God and through my family. I witness what He has done for me through the beauty of nature; I feel His love during Mass and when I am talking about Him with friends; and I can see His undying love for me through the sacrifice of His son. True love has always been a holy thing to me. 

I firmly believe that I have the best family in the universe. I have never doubted their love for me nor my love for them. It's always been a given. Something that I didn't have to worry about or even think about. (Yes, I realize how flippin' lucky I am. I truly do.) 

Even though I've always known love through God and my family, I've never been able to understand how two normal human beings can truly love each other. 

It wasn't until a couple of weeks ago at Mass that it hit me.

Instead of just normal Mass, The sacrament of Anointing of the Sick was thrown in as well (BONUSSSS!). 

Back in the day, Anointing of the Sick was called the Last Rite. Basically, if you were allllmost dead, one of your family members would call the priest and he would come over to bless you with holy oil and give you eucharist. 

Nowadays, it's looked at as more of (this is my opinion, btdubs) a blessing for those who are unwell, that the Lord will protect them and be with them during the trying time they are going through. 

That Sunday, I had happened to stay up very late the night before (watching Kdramas...I'm addicted.), so I was tired in church. When Father asked for the people who wanted to receive the sacrament to stay standing, I didn't really pay attention, but I sat down 'cause I've been feeling just fine as of late. When I looked up, I realized how many people were still standing. 

I was shocked. 

The average age of a Sacred Heart (that's the church I go to) parishioner is...I would say... 65-75. (There are a LOT of old people) But I never thought that these people would be in pain.

Seeing so many people walk up to receive the sacrament brought tears to my eyes. How could I be blind to the people who were hurting around me. 

That's when I saw what I believe to be true love. 

There's this old couple in church who always come in and sit in the same general vicinity of my family. I know who they are, but I've never talked to them. The wife has had difficulty walking for some time now, so her husband always helps her to their pew and to communion. 

As he gingerly guided her up to receive the sacrament and then watched carefully to make sure that the priest properly blessed her, it hit me. 

True love is forgetting your selfish independence and caring for another person's well-being. 

True love is sacrificing for your loved one and trusting that they will sacrifice for you. 

It's embarrassing that I am 23 years old, and it took me this long to figure this out. 

I'm also jealous of the people my age who figure this out waaaay before me. 

Those lucky ducks.

I guess I have some catching up to do :)

Country Road, Take Me Home...

It's a different kind of pretty :)

Well, the plane ride was a doozy, but I slept through most of it and made it home. 
I feel like an emotional wreck.
Every time I start thinking about Taiwan I miss it so much and wish I was there. I just felt like I was doing the right thing, what God wants me to do, but now my responsibilities have to pull me back to where I don't really want to be.
Now, don't get me wrong, I missed my family and friends and some American foods. But when I'm here, I feel like I'm just floating along waiting for the next big thing to happen, and when I was there, I was living life like it should be lived. 
I have to go back. 
After graduation, I plan on going into mission work (either Maryknoll Missioners or Franciscan Mission Service) and serving in that sense for two years, but I wish I could just go back to Taiwan! 
I think I might feel this way because it's the only place I've been to that has helped me grow so much... I don't know. We'll see where the good Lord leads me. 
I've only been home for a little while, but it already seems weird.
Where are the squatting toilets? street dogs? chopsticks? Chinese signs? busses? and, most importantly, the Asians?! 
One thing I'm enjoying since being home is the food!

American much? 

Oh, cheese curds, how I've missed you!

Last night, I went to the Rutabaga Festival in Cumberland and had a KC pepper burger, cheese curds and a Mountain Dew. So tasty!

Doesn't really measure up to the night markets! 

I loved Taiwanese food, but I have been jonesin' for dairy products and mountain dew for a while. 
I don't know when I'll blog next...so until I find something to talk about...
with love from Taiw America,
Lauren.

Mini Donuts, jet lag and a sweater... must be in America.